Update

It's been quite some time now since I've posted my last blog entry. However, I'll simply ignore the fact that I've been MIA from the blogging community for the longest time, and just get on with my entry. You all know the deal.

I wanna just make a point out in saying that "work" is definitely becoming the opposite of play regarding my last entry. Work was unbelievably stressful this past week, being in charge of huge responsibilities that I thought I might have after my second year in the working field. It's going to remain stressful for the next week, because I'm gonna be the go-to guy if there's any problems with anything regarding this particular application. Suddenly I feel like my job title should be switched to "Help Desk. Please stay away from me!".

I recently have been purchasing all sorts of cool new gadgets and gizmos within the past few weeks. I guess the consumer side of me has really been coming out and taking over ever since the dough has been rolling in from my new job. I've never had this much money in my checking account in my entire life. It's so hard to think twice when seeing that beautiful $340 iPod with my name written across. For some reason my old keyboard and mouse suddenly feel outdated, old, and klunky. What a convenient time to upgrade to a wireless desktop. Gotta keep up with technology right? Sure. Oh no, my beautiful iPod seems to need some clothes to shield itself from every day wear and tear. Great, I shall buy it some.

$340 = iPod + iTrip
$ 37 = iSkin
$120 = Ikea desk + drawer
$112 = Wireless desktop (current toy)
$ 22 = XBox game

Work Is Play

So I officially decided that working (interning) this summer has been starting to feel like nothing other than play. Call me crazy or what not, but I actually have really grown to enjoy what I do at the company five days a week, pushing close to 40-45 hours per week. I wake up in the morning around 8:40am, go to work in between 10-10:30am, and work work work... or play play play. I'm supposed to get out of work at 6pm, but these days I've been getting out at 630pm or sometimes even after 7pm. I can't help but feel a little strange for doing this while everybody else in the world seems to be pushing, shoving, and rushing to catch the train taking them home to whatever is waiting for them there. Maybe the TV, maybe the wife and kids... whatever it is, everybody is just in a rush. Me? ehhh...well I'm just hoping that I can finish implementing a part of my project that I've been working on during the week, hoping I'd finish before what used to 6, then 6:20, and now seems to be 7pm. It states in my astrology profile that Capricorns tend to do that with their work. Work is play for us driven sea goats. And it's actually a pretty wierd experience to actually witness that part of me coming to life. A part of me feels like the nerd next door programming away, and a part of me feels like the guy that is doing what I did all throughout college and will eventually get paid for it. In my opinion, it's kinda cool. Can't believe that one day I'll actually get paid to do this. Work on programming projects all day without the worrying of exams and classes to run off to. The best part of it is... I'll always be learning something new with the growing computer technology, and for some reason that comforts me. What can I say, I guess I'm just a computer nerd after all.

P.S. this was embarrassing to admit

Spiderman Leads To Gum Stimulation

So I finally watched Spiderman 2 last night. I heard through the rumors that it was better than the first one. If I had to make an opinion about it, I'd say that it was just as good as the first one. I'm definitely a biased individual because I was a pretty big fan of the web-slinging superhero back in the day when it used to play on Fox Channel 5 after school everyday. I think out of all super-heroes, he's probably the most admired by me. There's a lot of characteristics about him that make him so. One of the most obvious is that he's just a plain old kid, just like me, going to school, trying to get an education, trying to get through the daily struggles of life as we all do. He's smart, he's got a sense of humor, cracking jokes at villains in the midst of battling it out with them. He just lives a tough life, trying to go to college and get good grades while doing all he can to fight crime and save human beings, and on top of that deal with the pressures of his peers. He's just got so much on top of him, and yet he still manages to stay sane and get through the day. I don't know how he does it. I think I'd be going nuts. I guess that's why he's a superhero.

My dad picked me up from Hicksville train station and we stopped by Walgreens to get some bathroom supplies that he needed. He needed hairspray, and we both decided that we needed a new toothbrush because those 6 months have expired (f.y.i. dentists recommend replacing toothbrushes every 6 months). So I'm pretty anal about what toothbrush I use because dental care is something that I try to keep on top of. The only toothbrush that I will pay for and use is the Oral B Cross Action. But... when we went over to the toothbrush section, apparently they came out with a new "upgraded" version of it, and it's called the Cross Action Vitalizer, and it's got these added gum stimulators on the sides of the brush. Anyways, I went home and tried it, and it is freaKiN amazinG! It feels like a masseuse is massaging your gums, stimulating gum sensation. Everyone needs to go buy and try it!
(see picture above for reference)

The Weekend

It's Sunday now, and the weekend is still not officially over, because Amy, Jazz, and I are all planning on watching Spiderman 2 tonight after they get off Sunday work(...Sunday work suCKs...) So I'm pretty excited to go do that tonight because I've been anticipating to see this movie for quite some time. Actually it's ever since I first laid eyes on the trailer which was probably some time last year.

Anyway, Friday night was actually a really cool night in a very unique and different kind of way. At first Amy and I went downtown to Soho to meet up with Jazz and Raji for a late night dinner (...sorry jazz and raji...) at Cafe Habana. There's word on the street that its food kills, and after I had their Chicken Diablo sandwich, I understood what the hype was all about. But anyway, dinner was good, and the unique part about the night was actually the Jazz bar that I went to later that night. I've always wanted to go to a Jazz bar, experience something different for a change, and the place was beautiful. The atmosphere was really chill, relaxing, and quaint. Dimmed lights with soft live jazz playing in the background, along with sounds of people mingling, place being lit up by flickering candle lights, ... It was definitely a positive first experience of Jazz, and I'd totally do it again. It was also nice because I felt like I got a chance to get to know Raji and Jazz better throughout the night. It's amazing how much you gain from just one simple chill laid back night out.

Saturday night, last night, was dope! I had a really amazing time with everybody that came out that night. Shout out to the Sake Bombing crew, and to all the people that came through to Coda. It was real good to see Babbs out here again, and not leaving for anytime soon. Also the late night munchies that a few of us had at the end of the night was probably the best way to kick it at the end of the night, where Sam took a few of us downtown to MacDougal St. where it looks like one big block party, full of hungry people lined up, waiting to satisfy themselves. It was good hanging out and talking with the people that I didn't know as well. It's always good, and once again... It's amazing how much you can gain from just one night out

Ordinary Day

Today was what I would call an ordinary day. Work was slow, appetite was weak, satisfaction was limited. I think life seemed to be a bit more on the ordinary side these days. Haven't really thought about it much. Today would be my first day. Is it because age is kickin in? Is it because this is what the real world really is supposed to be? I think about how every day I wake up at the same time in the morning, take the same train to work, see the same people riding on the LIRR going off to their ordinary world. Maybe the word I'm looking for is routine. I wonder...

Work was slow today. Nothing really challenging, and I've come to realize that on days like this, I can't help but feel like it was just an ordinary day. Not much to do. Just did what I always do on these days. Sit at the desk. Look at some code on the computer. Wait and hope that my boss will give me something interesting to do. Sometimes ordinary days are nice too. Today was nice.

I have a big project coming up soon that I will be working on. It's actually pretty biG. The company that I'm interning at is rebuilding their entire software system, switching everything from Windows to Linux. I'm pretty excited to be a part of that, especially when they'll be depending on me as well as my boss and another intern to get the job done. So I don't think I'll be having many ordinary days in the near future.

This was a wierd entry, but I have a date tommorrow. So I'm too excited to care.

9 Months

.:Love Blog:.

It's been 9 1/2 months for us now. We'd both probably agree that it seemed like 9 years instead. We've been through everything any relationship goes through and more. After all this time has passed, I discovered the most beautiful and amazing parts of her that only a person who's been through what we've been through can discover. And at the same time, I've also seen the worst sides as well. And things haven't always been easy with us, in fact at times it seemed darn right impossible. I was changing, and so was she in ways we never thought we ever would. There were times where I never thought we'd make it through. But in the midst of it all, the one thing that did nothing but grow would make me say... I love her. And that's all that mattered. You hear about it everyday, in the movies, on TV. Love is an amazing thing, and I've never realized in my life how amazing it really is, how much it can do, how much it can affect... me. It's scary how much, but at the end of it all, she's the best thing that ever happened to me. And she makes it worth it, every single emotion good or bad. She takes my breath away still, and I love her with every part of me. Because nobody in this world can fulfill my inner desires like she does. We traveled through every terrain, been through mile high mountains. At the end of each day, the thoughts of being with her holding her in my arms brings new motivation and happiness for each new day. She's my one and only, and she has "my heart to break".

So finally here it comes. This blog will be dedicated to the trip that Pierre, Megan, and I ventured on last Sunday, the 20th, and came back to NY on wednesday morning... like 7AM morning. So much has happened every day on this trip, that I will attempt to split up the blogs by day. This could either become a great story, or it can become an utter catastrophy. Here goes...

Day 1 - Sunday - Day of Departure
So the trip started off as PZ drove up to my house and gave the classic *beep* *beep*. Decided to come out and actually came inside for a brief moment meeting my parents once again. Then off we go, heading towards nowhere else but to Katonah, NY. Hitting some traffic on the cross bronx expressway, Pierre had a goal ever since the beginning of the trip, which was to NOT ask, look, or seek for directions, even if it means getting lost and driving around aimlessly for an hour and half. Not for even the slightest bit did I ever suspect that this would be the cause of what I would say one of the greatest and most ridiculously amazing and hilarious adventures I had ever embarked on.

So now we're closing in on Megan's territory, and I mean territory because it would be wrong and invalid to call it Megan's house. Rather it is her "land". You have to ask her how many acres it is rather than how many rooms you have. So anyway, me and pz in the car, and I'm testing Pz about the directions as he claims so confidently and nonchalantly that he knows exactly where it is, and he needs not such primitive assistance. So I ask him, "What's the name of that sign where we have to make that important left?".
"THORNBUSH!"... once again... "THORN BUSH!!!"
Meanwhile I'm looking at the mapquest directions, and I see right in front of me the words "Twin Knolls". It was a time for laughter, the very moment the words "thornbush" rolled off his full, juicy, suculent lips. It was great, and it added itself onto the list of inside jokes that we would bring up every once in a while during Boston. Where the hell do you get thorn bush? What is a thorn bush? Bush with thorns?

So we picked up Meggo from her beautiful land and we make our way up to Boston. Of course we had to stop for gas before actually heading out onto the highway considering pz's small yet oh so strong willed Honda Civic made it all the way from my house, exit 44 on the LIE, all the way to Megan's domain in Katonah, NY, in Thorn Bush, I mean Twin Knolls, meanwhile the car's gas meter was basically on empty the whole time. The little engine that could... It was amazing I tell you. But we thought the car deserved a lil bit of fuel. Let me just say that this station was the only bright light within miles, and when that's the case, you get swarms and swarms of bugs and flys and moths and everything else out there. Another one of the unforgettable and great events that occurred on this trip... As me and pz open the doors to get back into the car, a big moth of some sort decided to come on in with us along with a bunch of other smaller flying creatures. Me and pz flip out, start screaming like little kindergarden baby girls that forgot our barbie dolls at home, and scurry to get outta the car as fast as possible. The best thing bout this is not our high pitched girly helpless screaming, but Megan's in the back seat trapped inside the car while there are flying creatures inside that me and pz are tryin to get away from. I look at Meggo in the back, and she's just laughing histerically. I couldn't understand it. Creatures, inside, trapped, and she's having the best time of her life back there. I guess somewhere before all this happened, I went to the side to have cigarette while picking one flower from the garden. Fate has tooken place once again, as this flower ultimately became the only weapon that I could use to battle this mothy creature on pz's rearview mirror. I'm here tryin to fight the creature and knock it away with my fearsom flower, pz's standing on the other side helpless defenseless, and Meggo's in the back seat laughing histerically. I was in utter awe. What a way to start off the trip.

We stop by the next available McDonald's to grab some food before hittin the real road. Girlscouts or girl softball players, decide to laugh just as we enter through the door and look our way. "Okay" we say. We sit down, eating, and eventually a worthy conversation arises when pz starts talking about crabs or was it craps? Neither me nor meggo could tell. Then he asks if we ever went fishing for craps... Basically, have we ever gone Crap Fishing? Long story short, I've never heard such a ridiculously hilarious statement like that in a long time. I couldn't help myself, and then I just lost it along with the others, and we found ourselves working out those abs again laughing so hard where it hurts and breathing ceases to continue. One of those you had to be there and hear it kinda situations. CraP Fishing?!?! .... seriously........

OK... last paragraph and this is where I link the statement I said earlier about pz refusing any kinda of outside assistance for directions. Probably the greatest grand finale to such an eventful and fun day. We hit Massachusetts and are on some highway gettin to Martin's place. We pass over Tobin bridge without even knowing what bridge it was at the time, don't know if we're going the right way. "Woah, I think this is the Big Dig!" says PZ. We're lookin for Callahan Tunnel and Logan Airport. No directions from anybody. PZ thinks the blair witch is after us and screwing up all our directions because by now we crossed over a bridge, over another small bridge, are driving around in some neighborhood that looks like a scene from the movie Judgement Night, looking for street signs, but Boston doesn't believe in street signs, Revere Beach Blvd. or Ocean Ave. but how can we know with no street signs, are we even close to martin's place?, "we could be in a completely different area with similar street signs", end up backtracking, crossing over Tobin bridge again paying two dollar toll, see the highway we're supposed to get on, "WOOHOO, we found it guys!!!", realize we're crossing over the saME bridge that we just came back on meaning this is our 3rd time over it within the last 15 minutes. Oh wow, we're in the same intersection as we were 10 minutes ago. Decide to go the other way. We're going in circles... "Corvettes!!!", pz says for the third time as we pass by the local Corvettes dealership. We decided that mapquest wasn't going to be on our side so we ended up following the closest thing we knew about Martin's location. Revere and Beach. We see a sign that has both words on it and follow it. Somehow and some way, we ended up seeing Martin's street Nahant Ave. and the street lit up with golden flames and bright lights (not really) as we cheered and commemorated ourselves for mission well done and success, To find Martin's place w/o Directional Assistance. Mission Accomplished. Delays? About an hour and a half, but it was well worth the time, because every minute of those ninety minutes was filled with adventure and peril.

Our reward? We found Martin's Place on our own. He thinks we're still lost and trying to find his place. PZ calls him and asks him to come meet us somewhere. We wait by his car, and as Martin approaches his car.
"MARTIN!!!!!!!"
"OOH GEEZE AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

WOOHOO!!! Mission well done bostonians! Day One Complete...

Being indecisive is probably one of the most stressful and frustrating things...

relationships...

So I was talking to a friend today about it, and I bet everybody in the world can write long vague essays about it. Probably why there are so many books dealing with it. Ever find yourself in one? just sorta happened outta nowhere. Didn't expect it or look around for it? Or maybe you were the chaser and life couldn't have been any more exciting with a new motivation in your life. Maybe I might see her in the local Starbucks today, so I better dress well. Maybe if I walk this way, I might bump into her. There are about a million ways that people get into relationships and for millions of different reasons. I'll call the friend that I talked to today, Friend MC just for reference. I believe that there are vaguely two sides to a particular part of someone's personality. I'm sure everybody has heard of it before, thought about whether or not you are feeler or a thinker. Feelers being the kinda person that tends to rely on their inner feelings and emotions...the kinda people where it is just instinctual to "follow your heart". "I don't like someone. Why? I don't know. I just don't. I didn't get a good feeling" says the feeler. I am not a FeeLer and neither is MC. Thinkers are the type of people that tend to think about things, alot more than they have to many times, about everything. When making decisions, or trying to understand "WHY?" is probably second nature to thinkers. Perfect example would be the oracle in the Matrix, who inpires and informs Neo that decisions were already made and that the only thing left to figure out is why. If I were to guess, I'd say most people that I know were thinkers like myself. It's ironic though to hear somebody that thinks about everything describe what they think and their opinion by starting off with the infamous "I feel like...". It's actually kinda funny, cuz I do it all the time now also. I'd say in my opinion though that it's a hell of a lot harder to be feeler than a thinker because of the fact that feelings are irrational and vague and unreasonable. Emotions run through us every day and we feel them, but we can't prove them. How do you argue with somebody about something when all you have is your feelings? You just can't win. In a relationship where a girl has nothing but her feelings telling herself that this relationship is right, but nothing else, how can she convince the guy and show her how she really feels and what she sees? That situation would just be horrible and the girl is the one that end up getting hurt and jaded.

MC is a hardcore thinker, more than I, probably one of the most mechanically minded and thinker that I know so far. MC needs everything in his/her life to make sense. It was interesting to hear because I think that's how I'd want it as well. For everything in my life to be there or happen for a reason. If something doesn't make sense in my life, it creates a bit of anxiety and stress, because then I would have to think and think and think about why, and what the reason is as to why this is happening or why I am like this. I need that reason. I guess my whole need for explanations hasn't been as apparent to me until I actually heard MC talkin bout it. Third person perspective on things is great. I realize that without reason, without knowing why, that's when life starts to become vague and obscure. Losing track of what I need to do, of priorities, of people. I'm still tryin to figure out what the whole point of all this blabber is, and I know it has something to do with relationships and why the fact that me being a thinker affects me in relationships or the dynamics of it. MC didn't understand why in a relationship people do unsensible things and why people go through so much, or put up with so much. "It just doesn't make sense", says MC. I agreed. It really doesn't. It was giving MC so much anxiety though just even talking or thinking about it, and it seemed frustrating. Love is irrational though, and it doesn't make sense. But there needs to be a balance between love and thinking, balance between feeling and thinking, between emotions and logic, between irrationality and rationality. So I'm worried that whatever relationship I get into, I'm gonna think way too much and not let my emotions have any say. Or my emotions will just take over and I won't think about things enough. I just can't find the balance, and I don't know if I ever will. Love doesn't make sense, and because it doesn't, I don't know if it'll eVer make sense to me. I'll constantly and constantly be searching for valid and logical reasons, when there isn't one, and it'll just be the end of me.

I think I wrote too much because I'm just lost. My thoughts are all scattered and there ain't no way I'm gonna collect and organize them anytime soon. I think too much though, thats one thing. So I should stop...

hmmm...

This will be my second time blogging on my very new blog site, and nobody has yet to see it let alone even know that it even exists. Ever wonder why or try to explain why it feels different to blog on a site that u know nobody even knows about? I feel compelled to just write whatever I think I feel like writing, but at the same time, knowing that this will eventually become a public blog, there's always that sense of hesitation and precaution that I must always consider before I start pushing any keys with my fingers. What's too revealing, or what's unappropriate to write? Tactlessness? Does everybody questoin these things as well before writing or is it just me or rather just a few? Sometimes... actually many times I think I worry too much about what other people think about things and about me. I wish I could just let it go, but I find myself constantly and repeatedly pondering the same questions over and over again. It's a fear of something or many things. But I'm sure that I ain't the only one that suffers from this. So I'm just puttin it out there because I think it actually takes more effort to hide it.

I remember the first time I ever started becoming interested in astrology and other people's astrological signs and animals as well as my own. I definitely went through a stage where I might admit that I was maybe a tad bit overly anxious about star signs and their connections, meanings, and validity. I mean if you think about it, it's not so impossible to believe considering that we all are part of this universe and are connected some way with it. Some people are hardcore against it, but why not just go with it or get what u can outta it. Well the whole point was that I remember that one of the first times I read my profile as a Capricorn, there was a statement in there near the end stating that at one of my biggest fears is having enemies because I know that it'll make my path harder to reach. And so I try to do all that I can to avoid making them. There couldn't have been a more valid statement than that, and it's true and it's right. Where am I going with this? Well isn't that what blogs are for? Isn't that the greatness and enjoyment that is contained and comes with the action of writing? To be able to write about something without having any direction or idea about where or what it is leading up to. Well that'll be all for today. My fingers are sweaty...

First time for everything

So here it is... my first time blogging ever, and i think why? Sometimes i think conformity, sometimes i think boredom, and there's also the possibility that a certain close friend specifically asks and almost indirectly forces you to create one... but whatever it is, its probably what gets me through each day and what makes me who i am. Can't run away from it. It's like the matrix says... its everywhere. Influence, persuasion, pressure... conformity. Why we all tend to do what other people do? Dead Poets Society was a great movie and still is. Question is what do we do with it? Is it wrong... is it morally wrong to go with and follow the crowd, follow the other 30 kids walking a certain way, acting a certain way, dressing a certain way... or is that being unoriginal, and boring? My take is that u just need balance between the two. Ideally, if u think bout it, everything is all about balance. George Lucas knows it as u can see the way he incorporated it into his movies... star wars... bout how there needs to be a balance in the force. Being able to balance your life is by far the hardest thing that i find myself trying to do hundreds of times. It's everywhere. Balance between fun and school, balance between friends and family, balance between girlfriends and friends, balance between friends and friends (not a typo)... By balancing, it means choosing sometimes between two things that u dont want to choose from, but u have to. Like the oracle says, u have to make a choice, and then try to understand why u made that choice.

Now here's when u know that journals and blogs are a great thing. Because you're inclined to write in the blog about one thing, and by the end you look back at your entry and realize that you just wrote a whole lot of shit about something you didn't even plan on writing or thinking about.
well, let this be a reminder to me that our minds ARE free, like a bird free to roam and fly anywhere and everywhere it pleases. Probably the greatest and most precious gift given to us by who knows. Our minds have no boundaries as to what it may think about, and for that, I am content.